And Again…
So… it’s been over 365 days since I started this blog. And how the Lord showed up!
Each year, I ask the Lord for a word for the year – something that will be the “theme” of what He has in store for us. Last year, it was “hear.” I had three people pray that I would hear Him more clearly – and this blog began as part of that journey.
This year, He keeps bring the word “taste.” Taste and see that the Lord is good. (Ps. 34). Experience. Up close and personal. Fully know. Take in. All senses fully engaged. (Ever notice that you can’t taste something without also smelling it? Feeling the texture? Hearing the crunch? Seeing what you’re about to eat?)
So 365 God Sightings is going to be more like 365 God Tastings. Some of the entries may be conversations the Lord and I have. Or I may share from what I’ve been reading. We’ll see where it goes. I’m seeing this like a progressive dinner. Can’t wait to see what’s on the menu for 2011!
Just to whet your appetite, here’s a link where you can download Graham Cooke’s sermon, “Living from a Place of Dreaming.” This has me completely excited about the possibilities for this year… it’s all about the freedom to ask God for things, and go beyond “logic” and into dreaming creatively with Him. Very cool idea…
(Or you can listen to “God is the Kindest Person I’ve Ever Met.” Also an excellent message.)
God Sighting Day 295: Running Free
So, by my calculations, today is day 295. Someone correct me if I’m wrong. Math was never my strong suit. Neither is keeping up with a blog or journal. But, oh my goodness! God has kept up with me.
Most of you know I made it to and back from Zimbabwe alive. God did so much while I was there. If you haven’t seen the video testimonies on the Women Getting Real website, you can click on the links to hear (in a video) how He showed off with unprecidented provision, ridiculous rainbows, and His presence in prayer.
Since I’ve been back, He’s kept on keeping me. There’s really no way to give you a blow by blow, so I’m just going to give you a conversation We had the other day, and I’ll try to keep going from here.
RUNNING FREE
Among the things I’m trying to learn to do faithfuly is taking a walk with the Lord in the mornings. I was out with Him a week or two ago, and on this particular walk, I felt Him prompt me: Run.
I didn’t want to. Felt silly. I haven’t really run since I was like, 12.
But He kept saying, “Run.” So I finally did. At least, I attempted a mini-jog.
Then He told me to speed it up. “Don’t jog. Flat out run.”
So I did.
“Don’t you feel more alive?” He asked.
“Yes, sir, but I’m gonna die…” I huffed back.
When we got to the end of the trail, I said, “I really don’t like that, but I’m willing if You do.”
“Do you REALLY not like it?” He probed.
“Well, I just feel embarassed, and like I look silly. And I can’t do it.”
Then the Lord brought back Graham Cooke’s voice from a CD I’d listened to weeks before: “God never calls us to what is possible. He calls us to what is impossible. The only thing we can do is yelp, “I can’t do this!” and He says, “I know.”
“Ha! Very funny, Lord. So, I guess I kind of do like running. I just feel like I can’t and I don’t like that.”
“Those are two entirely different things.” He stated.
“Yeah, they are.”
So, we ran a little more. Got to the end of the street, and I saw a silver chain in the road. Immediately, my mind went to the song, “My chains fell off, my soul’s set free. My God my Savior, has ransomed me…”
“I’m just breaking your chains off and setting You free.” He said.
“Okay, Lord. Got it.” I thought back to all the old baggage He was helping me sort through, and the things He’d been teaching me. This was a physical picture of a spiritual excercise. I added, ”But while You’re breaking those chains, could you please hold my heart gently, because it feels like my heart is what’s breaking…”
Then I remebered what Corky Shepard prophesied over me in Zimbabwe: “There are things the Lord is going to want to take off. I’m talking about attitudes and things now. And it may be hard because they’ve been there so long, they feel like they’re part of you. But He wants you to just be you and run free.” Run free. Imagine that. Nearly two months had gone by since Corky said those words, and here God had me literally running. And challenging my attidudes and fears.
In my heart, I heard the Lord saying, “I’m taking off the weight.” Spiritual weight. Physical weight.
And my soul sang, “Lord, I wanna run…”
I really do. I want to run. Spiritually and physically. I want to be stretched. To be free. To be willing to go hard places and attempt the seemingly impossible without fear. To run to Him. To run with Him.
How about you?
God Sightings Day 128: Affirmation from the Gutter
This morning, I pulled myself out of bed with a groan and headed out for my newly aquired routine: a walk and talk session with God.
I started down the hill and a piece of trash on the side of the road caught my eye.
“Look at it,” the Lord said.
“It’s a white, square scrap of paper in the dirt.” and I walked on.
“No, really LOOK at it.”
I kind of resisted at first. Didn’t want to walk back, and I NEVER pick up trash on the road. Germ city. Gross!
But I went back and picked it up.
It’s a photograph of a young girl. I had to wipe the mud off her face. She’s beautiful. Looks a lot like my friend Crystal might have in high school.
“Welcome to what we do.”
I was overwhelmed. I’ve known for a long time that He’s wanted me to work with a particular women’s ministry – Women Getting Real. This was just an amazing affirmation that I’m in the right place.
God loves His women. He picks us up, washes the smut and dirt off, and calls us beautiful. And I get to be a part of Him doing that in my world.
God Sighting Day 126: I Need an Rx of Jesus
Honestly, today’s been tough. I woke up crabby. I’ve got more to do that I can shake a wooly caterpillar at. I’m hormonal. I just got out of a four hour long economics class. And there are so many sticky-sweet couples at school *insert batting eyelashes* that it makes me want to cringe just a little, die-hard romantic though I am.
There have been only two God moments that I actually saw today:
First – I was taking my morning walk – grudgingly – and telling the Lord that I was tired of trying to keep my (excuse me, but I’m about to swear) shit together.
Then it occurred to me that shit was never intended to be kept together. It’s meant to be expelled. Time to let some of it go… and let God fill me instead.
(Real spiritual, right? I have no Bible verse for that. It’s just where I am.)
Second – Jana challenged us last night that if we were in a hard place, we should be in God’s Word more. Not as a legalistic thing. But if you’re more sick, you need more medicine, right? So I asked the Lord where I should be reading.
“Phillipians.”
Okay, that was clearer than normal. But which chapter?
“Four.”
Not remembering exactly what was in Phillipians 4, I opened up to this:
1Therefore, my brethren dearly beloved and longed for, my joy and crown, so stand fast in the Lord, my dearly beloved.
2I beseech Euodias, and beseech Syntyche, that they be of the same mind in the Lord.
3And I intreat thee also, true yokefellow, help those women which laboured with me in the gospel, with Clement also, and with other my fellowlabourers, whose names are in the book of life.
4Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice.
5Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.
6Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
7And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
8Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
9Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.
That just really hit the spot today. Still trying to walk in it, but I love that He gives really good prescriptions.
God Sighting Day 125: The Vision Board
Yesterday I mentioned that God did a lot at the women’s retreat about letting me in on His vision for the two of us. Part of that process was making a Vision Board. Don’t freak out now. Stay with me. It’s one of the most unusual projects I’ve ever done, but it has had amazing results. He keeps talking to me about it even a week later.
Here’s the process:
Supplies:
- One piece of poster board,
- An old magazine or two
- Scissors
- Glue
- Total willingness to feel like a dork and listen to the Holy Spirit anyway.
Directions:
- Start flipping through the magazine you have very quickly. Like skim the page for pictures and headlines in about 3 seconds, tops.
- Rip out whatever picture or phrase jumps out at you. You don’t have to understand why, or what you like, or what is moving you. If it pops, just rip the page out.
- Cut out the piece that caught your attention.
- Ask the Lord how to start grouping them on your poster
- Glue them in place.
- Once it’s in place, ask the Lord to start talking to you about what those pictures or phrases stirred in your heart, and what He’s trying to say to you.
Yes, this sounds a little off the wall. But seriously, God can use pictures and visual aids to get your attention and then talk. It’s a way to process. Think of it as your own personal burning bush. Moses saw that though the bush was on fire it did not burn up. So Moses thought, “I will go over and see this strange sight—why the bush does not burn up.” (Exodus 3: 2-3)
I had too many pictures and words to fit on one side of my poster, so I used both sides. And it divided out nicely. On the first side, it was like the Lord reminded me of how HE sees me. I’m His treasure (photos of Tresor perfume!) I got several phrases like “old is new” “transformed” “His choice.” All very Biblical things.
On the second side, He gave me more pictures about where We’re going together. For example, I found a photo of the Great Sequoia trees, and the phrase “fresh interpretations”. Those ended up in one corner together. He reminded me that when I was a little girl, I used to dream of being the first girl to climb the Great Sequoias. I might not climb trees anymore, but He still has big challenges for us, and big things to climb. (Zimbabwe, anyone?!)
Then there were phrases like:
- “Your table is ready.”
- “Power where you need it, precisely where you need it.”
- “You won’t believe what’s under the hood.”
All of those speak to His great provision for me. Something He’s been teaching me this year. And the power He’s promised – especially on this trip. The verses line up:
- You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Psalm 23:5
- But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth. Acts 1:8
- However, as it is written: ”No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him.” 1 Corinthians 2:9
And the story goes on. He keeps using the pictures and phrases to either remind me of Scripture, or remind me of Our history together – (I have several pictures of seashells and other things that He’s used as pictures before). Or to call out new things that He’s challenging me to.
So, I’m passing on the challenge to you. If you want to have a heart to heart with God about what His plans are for you, ask Him to give you a visual aide. Grab a magazine and go for it.
God Sighting Day 124: New Beginnings
Dear Friends, Family, and Few Readers,
Aren’t you glad to know that God is faithful, even when I don’t write?! :)
Since there’s so much that has happened since I posted regularly, I’m just going to pick the ball up here. There’s grace for that.
And frankly, that’s been how my life has been lately. He’s shown up, I’ve seen it. He’s been there, but I’ve been distracted. High spots. Low spots. LIFE.
Here are some highlights:
A New Home
When my job changed, I found I really needed to move to a place with roommates and a MUCH lower rent. Looked and nothing was really fitting long-term. So I said, “Lord, You know I have time to look for a house like I have time for a hole in the head. I’ve got school, a new job, a mission trip, and a lot of other stuff going on now. Could You please wake me up with a house the way You woke me up with my job?’
NEXT MORNING (which was Easter!) I got an email from my aunt saying that she “just happened” to be talking to a friend we go to church with who “just happened” to have a room opening up the day after my lease expired. And it “just happened” to be all the things I was praying for. So very God….
A New Step in the Journey
This Thursday, ALL the money I needed for Zim came in! I have the funds to pay for my ticket and personal expenses and enough to take care of the rent and bills while I’m away without pay. I even have the same amount left over as what I needed for the rest of my traveling expenses. God not only provides, He lavishes. (We ARE still raising money for special gifts and projects to do over there, so if you want to help out with that, there are still ways to get involved.)
A New Perspective
So I went on this fantastic women’s retreat last weekend. Honestly, I walked through the door and when someone asked me how I was, all I could answer was, “Well, I’m here.” I felt tired, overwhelmed, and generally beat up.
God washed all of that away over the weekend. We talked about a lot of things, but the theme for me was asking God for HIS vision for my life. What has He planted in me? What does He want us to be, and create, and do together? Will I be His Whole-Hearted Bride? What would it look like to walk in confident authority as His bride?
There was too much that happened to download here, but I’ll give you a snippet -
At one point, Jana asked us: “What is it that makes you pull up short and hold back after you’ve seen where God wants you two to go?” Then she sent us out to pray and journal and just “have a date” with God and talk to Him about it.
At first I didn’t really have anything that came to mind. I figured I was pretty good with going wherever it was that He wanted to take me. But I still wanted to ask the question: “Where do I pull up short and hold back?”
So as I was walking, I came upon a little fountain area, and I wanted to go around to the backside to just sit and watch it. When I got there, there was a HUGE spider web, and I literally took a sharp breath and suddenly stopped.
“Pay attention. Did you see how you just reacted?”
“Yes, Lord. I’ve got it. I just pulled up sharp and held back. Just like what we were talking about. But what’s with the spider web? I’ve seen some other spiders today and even had one crawl on me. Talk to me about the spiders.”
“The web is like a web of lies. You pull up short and hold back when you believe the lies that you’ve lived under for years.”
(For those who don’t know the lies I deal with, they sound like : I’m not good enough. I stink at this. I can’t be pleasing unless I’m perfect. I’m not worth loving… Those kinds of lies. You probably have your own.)
“Look at the web. It’s flimsy. It can’t hold you. You’re a hundred million times bigger than it is, and yet you let it stop you. The only way you could truly be harmed by the venom of the spider is if you get stuck in the web. The only way you can be stopped or hurt is if you get stuck in the lies. Press through them. They are easy for Me to brush aside.”
You know what the antidote to lies is of course. A good whopping dose of TRUTH. So I’m asking the Lord to stop me when I feel the old, “I can’t” or “I don’t measure up” or “I don’t want to be that OUT there.” Asking Him to show me WHY, and then replace the lie with His truth about who I am in Him, and the confidence/security I have because of Him.
So here’s to new beginnings. I’ll try to keep you posted. :)
God Sighting Today:New Job!
Most of you have heard me shout this from the rooftops already. But I’m going to blog it anyway. You’ve got to hear what the Lord’s up to! He’s crazy how He works, but I’m loving it. It’s a long story, so bear with me.
It began with a prayer that was answered in a layoff.
I’m not sure how much you know about my old job – it was definitely the Lord who put me there when I badly needed a job and it was a great family to work for, but it wasn’t a great fit as far as what I was actually doing. Spreadsheets do not make my heart happy.
So I had been praying for awhile that the Lord would give me a way to work with Jana Spicka’s ministry, Women Getting Real. They want me, and I want to work for them. It would be my dream job. They just haven’t had the funds to pay me full time yet.
As much as I wanted to leave the world of spreadsheets, I didn’t have any peace about just up and leaving to find a more enjoyable job. Didn’t feel like it was the right way or time. Especially since I ultimately want to work for Jana. Why jump into something else only to leave?
A few weeks ago, I wrote Jana and said, “This is a crazy prayer request, but I really want to just do school and work for you. Like get my other job out of the picture. Will you pray with me about that?” In my mind, I had that playing out as God giving her enough money to offer me a full time job. Oh well. But either way – getting laid off made it clear that the door was WIDE open to do other things. And that was really a relief. I feel like someone had just given me a “get out of jail free” card.
The intriguing thing about my layoff was the timing. It was the last day to get our money in for the Zimbabwe trip. And I’ve been nowhere near close. (Like the trip costs $3500 and I have about $500). Well, my severance check was $2500. On the day of the deadline. Jana and I were talking and we both kind of wondered if maybe that was Zimbabwe money. But then what would I live on? So we didn’t rush to any conclusions.
I went to my Monday night Bible study (the one led by the John Dee who is leading the Zimbabwe trip) and I told John about what happened – and even about wondering if the money was for Zimbabwe. He listened and said, “Well, just ask the Lord about that.” Then Susie piped up behind me: “Well, if you get a job tomorrow, then you’ll know the Lord gave you that check for Zimbabwe.”
“Yeah right!” was my first thought. Seriously, I was snickering in my head. “There’s NO way I’m going to get a job tomorrow. I know He has one for me, but it will probably be the last day of the month when my severance is gone when it comes.”
During the class, John had us sit and be quiet – asking the Lord to bring a song, scripture, or even a picture to mind from Him to us. Then he said, “Just sit still. Don’t try to make anything happen. Just sit still.”
It was like the Lord elbowed me. “John’s telling that to the class, but I’m telling that to YOU. Be still. I’ve got you covered. Don’t try to scramble and get it together for the job or the Zimbabwe trip.”
I was still sort of snickering about Susie’s comment on the way home. But then I asked the Lord, “What the heck? Could You give me a job tomorrow?”
So the very next morning, my best friend Alison calls and wakes me up: “Hey, you like old people, right?” And proceeds to tell me that her grandparents need someone to look after them part time because they are getting older and the wife has Alzheimer’s. They know I want to work for Jana, it wouldn’t be a long term comittment, and it leaves me free to start working for Jana part time, which is what she and the team had been praying for – a way for me to work with them part time and have another part time job!
God’s just funny the way He works things. You don’t get much more “still” than being asleep and getting a job offer as a wake up call. :)
I went through two interviews with the family, and it was really touch and go – the family loved me, but the wife really didn’t want any help – and understandably so. For awhile it looked pretty much like a dead end. They told me if I found another job I loved to go ahead and take it.
So that left me wondering: was this really the job from God? Or was it just to say He COULD pull a job out of thin air for me that quickly? What about the severance check? Was it for Zim or for living expenses? Was I even hearing God right about going to Zimbabwe?
I was near tears and ready to chuck it all last night. Enter the conversation with Sue. (See yesterday’s blog.) She reminded me to trust what God had said and look to HIM as my answer, not the money.
SO… I was 99.9999% sure that I was supposed to take the remainder of my severance check (the part I hadn’t tithed or used on bills) and put it in the Zimbabwe fund. With no probability of a job. That left me with almost squat in the bank, but I really felt like that’s what I was supposed to do.
I told my friend Elizabeth that I felt crazy. She encouraged me: “Either way you use the money is an act of faith. You’re either trusting God to provide for your groceries or to provide the rest for Zimbabwe. But you set out to pray the money in and He gave you a chunk on the day of the deadline. It’s not foolish to put it towards Zimbabwe.”
So I knew I was going to be writing that check to the Zim fund. But I asked the Lord to please confirm it to me one more time.
Today, the job came in! First it was on, then it was off, then it was on again – but the outcome was that I start tomorrow morning! And even though I’m “easing” into the job – starting with just a couple of hours a day, they are going to pay me for reserving my time. Such a blessing! Only God could do that.
I’m taking that as my confirmation. He gave me the severance for Zim, and He’s going to take care of my daily needs.
Sue said it was like the priests when God told them to cross the Jordan – they had to put their toes in, and THEN God moved. I don’t think I really even made it that far. I just THOUGHT about putting my toe in, and it’s like God dove in. He brought the job to pass, and on top of that, I got a refund check in the mail today.
He really has got me covered. And honestly, I didn’t have to DO anything. He did it.
Back from the Dark Side of the Moon
Shew – God’s doing big things and I have no idea how I’ll ever catch up on this blog, but I’ll try.
In the meantime, here’s a bullet point run down:
- I’m back in school – specifically Bible college. Good stuff. Have NO clue how to handle the homework AND life.
- I lost my job -but that leaves the door wide open for new things.
- I’m still being called to Zimbabwe. And I’m still short on funds to go. It’s a major trust journey. Especially in light of the lost job.
- My cat is lucky to be alive. He keeps chewing on electrical cords.
- God’s taking my baggage and unpacking it lately. About security in Him, my position in Him, my fear and trying to “perform” to earn approval and love. It’s messy. But good.
I’ve been asking the Lord lately about this whole Zimbabwe trip – and if I’m really going to make it since I don’t see the money yet. Am I really trusting Him by saying I’m going when I don’t have all the cash? Or am I just too stubborn to take not enough money as a “No” or “Not now” ?
So today, I was driving home from church with my three year old friend, Jackson. “Are we almost to your house yet?”
“No, it’s just down the road a bit,” I said.
“But I don’t SEE it!” said Jack, obviously concerned.
“Well, I don’t see it either, but it’s still there.”
*Big God poke right here. Did you just hear what you told Jackson?*
A few hours later, I was telling Sue about my worries. She said, “Money isn’t the issue. The issue is what God said. What has He told you? Go back and read your God sightings.”
She’s right. He’s told me He’s got it covered, and I’m to thank Him that it’s already done. I don’t see my funding yet. (Or my new job, or how I’m going to get through school…) But it’s there. Just as sure as my house is.
Around the bend...
God Sighting Day 52: Thank Me. It’s Done.
Day 52 was the second day of the Intervarsity Getaway. After lots of worship, games, and discussion time, Elizabeth and I had a couple of hours to just hang in the hotel room.
As I took some time to just process and breathe, I was talking to the Lord again about Zimbabwe – and the fact that getting there looks impossible financially. He’d given me the quail just the day before. So Saturday He said, “Okay, you’ve been asking me boldly. Now I want you to thank Me. It’s already done. From Heaven’s perspective, this is already a done deal.”
So I took that, and started thanking Him.
Later that evening, they had a time set aside for you to recieve prayer if you wanted it. I had fully intended to lay the mission trip situation out there and ask the folks there to pray for me. But when the time came, it was almost audible: “No. This is not about getting to Zimbabwe. This time is holy and set apart – it’s about you and Me.”
God’s working really hard to get me to quit working really hard! I hear His call and then think I have to scramble to make it happen. Instead, He’s remindng me that He is the Alpha and Omega. The Beginning and the End. The Author of the Story. The One Who calls things that are not as though they were. And His call does not return void. It accomplishes what He wants it to.
So I’m on a journey. But whether it ends in Zimbabwe as soon as expect it to or not, it’s not about getting 
there. It’s about knowing Him.
God Sighting Day 51: Quail
I’m telling you, God has a fantastic sense of humor! If you’ve read my blog long, you know God has been teaching me that it’s safe to ask Him boldly for things. He delights to give.
This is new for me. I was always afraid to ask for the WRONG thing (I got really paranoid about that verse in James about “ye have not because ye ask amiss to consume it on your lusts…”). I thought if I asked too hard, God might just get mad and give me the worst thing I asked for. Like the Israelites when they griped and complained and begged for meat, so God said, “Fine then. You’ll have quail coming out your nose, but you’ll have leaness in your soul.” (Laura’s loose translation).
So, I’m asking God to provide the cash for me to go to Zimbabwe. It’s a big ticket item! And guess what? The deadline for the deposit has come and gone. But the call hasn’t, and they still want me on the team. So I’m trying to figure out how to trust God in the middle of a clear call and a clear disappointment.
While all this is going on, I went on an Intervarsity Ministry Getaway. On the first night there, my group was supposed to play a game, and each person’s marker was a Beanie Baby. Guess what MY beanie baby was? You got it. A QUAIL!
God’s so funny. It was like He was telling me that HE would provide. I don’t have to beg or scramble. He’s got it covered. He already had that quail there for me.
So the thing I feared (getting the proverbial quail) ended up being a blessing! God gave me HIS version of quail – and every time I look at that Beanie Baby, I remember: “God will provide.”
